p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
