just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
