Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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