my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
