ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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