Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Of course I have a pirate flag
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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