i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
