the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize