i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
