Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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