i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
