basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
