Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
