she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
