my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
