Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Someone signed my nipple.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
