I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
