Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
dude i'm inner monologue high
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
