dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
