the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
