and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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