i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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