It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
