let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
