So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
