went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
