you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
