Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
