we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
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All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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