The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
