Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize