all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
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