i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
