Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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