It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
