If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
