im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
