I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I cockslap morals
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
