You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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