the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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