she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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