I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
