Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
