absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
