woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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