Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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