so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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