He felt like a one man threesome
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
