i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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