my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
