are you still at the devil's house?
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
