I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
