After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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