I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
