Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
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