swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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