I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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