Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
