I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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