im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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