Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
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Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
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I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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