What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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