He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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