I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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