Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
