I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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