Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
