this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
