just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
