I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
