They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
