I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
