Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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