so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
