Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
