Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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