i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
the day after is always just damage control
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
