who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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